Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thursday Thirteen - Telemarketing Calls




This was sent to me by a friend and I thought you’d enjoy it.

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…”

3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it’s located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc.

4. Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully this will give Judy a few brief moments of fear as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”

6. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

7. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. (I love this one. I heard Seinfeld do this on his show)

8. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder..louder…

9. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down

10. Tell them you work for the same company and they can’t sell to employees

11. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

12. If a phone company call trying to get you to sign up for the Family and friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”

13. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
#’s 4, 5 and 13 are my favorites. :) What’s yours?

WW’s and PD’s,
Vicki

7 comments:

Bill Clark said...

This is a stitch! Thanks for posting it!

Alyssa Goodnight said...

Some very clever ones in there. Luckily, I signed up for the no-call list and haven't had too many of these calls in a while.

Danika / OpenChannel said...

#5 and #11 for sure.

Have you heard this one:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/telemarketer

Hysterical!

C.L. Wilson said...

ROFL - I must write these down!!! Will have to try them out.

Vicki said...

Don't you love these. Now to remember them the next time I get one of 'those' calls. :)

Karen Lingefelt said...

I always let the answering machine pick up, but my husband never learns. I can always tell it's a telemarketer because after he says, "Hello?" there's a long silence while he shifts from one foot to another and occasionally rolls his eyes, till the other person finally pauses to take a breath and he can tell them no thanks.

I've always been tempted to sidle up to him and shout, "OH MY GOD, HONEY! MY WATER JUST BROKE!"

Vicki said...

Karen, you crack me up!!! I can so see you doing that. :)