Friday, May 2, 2008

Friday Laughs - Yeah, I know, it's been an animal kind of week

Thought you might could use a Friday afternoon laugh. I've had dogs and cats as pets in my life and yep, the cat part cracked me up.

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

WW's and PD's,


Malicious Intent said...

OMG, I really loved that! That is sooooo true!

Malicious Intent said...

Hope you don't mind....but I plugged you on my site and directed folks here to read the cat/dog story. I just had to, it was so cute.

Vicki said...

MI - It is so the truth. When I got to the cat part I cracked up with the first line. :D

Thanks for linking it.

Liza said...

Vicki this is so funny and so true! Thanks for the laugh.

Bill Clark said...

How funny! Guess I now know why I prefer dogs - they're easy to please, enjoy everything, and don't try to assassinate you on the staircase. I'm a dog person, for sure!

Karen Lingefelt said...

Funny because it's true! We've never had a mouse problem, but our cat loved to hunt (and decapitate) lizards.

There's nothing like waking up in the morning to find half a lizard in the middle of your kitchen floor.

Malicious Intent said...

Ya know, my cats do like to watch our lizard...and I am sure they have fantasies about eating him....but at this point he is probably big enough to kick their butts.

ame i. said...

Snork! Red wine, out of my nose and onto my shirt. Dratz!
My thanks to M.I. for the link. V is now on my fav blog list. I'll never have time to do housework again! I'll have another glass of wine so I won't feel so guilty.
I now am proudly owned by cats numbers 8, 9, and 10. It isn't easy to deal with the disdain of the 3 of them, but I can operate the can opener and they can't, so there!

Stephie Smith said...

Hilarious, Vicki. As a cat lover and owner of 4 right now, I (unfortunately) must agree that this is right on!