Thursday, June 3, 2010

Women & Men, Oh How the Tides have Turned...

Was talking with a friend the other day that tripped this, as well as the conversations I've had with Princess and realized we, as women, have completely messed up men.

Yep, I said it!

Let's take the romance genre as an example of the man we want. Most of the women I know want an Alpha male. This is what they look for in a perfect hero. If he was a wuss the book (I'm pretty sure) wouldn't ever sell. They are looking for a male to stand up to them (and with them), but be man enough for us, as women, to be our own person.

Am I right? I know it's what I want.

But in saying that, I want to be my own person--with limitations. What do I mean by this?

I want to be treated like a woman should, like ladies used to be treated.

No, I don't want to do all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the babies, but nor do I expect this completely from a male either. Don't get me wrong I've done it, and loved being a stay at home mom. But the flip side is that as a human being I didn't have the self-worth I needed to be a complete person. I like to work and bring home money and if someday I'm able to quit my job and work from home all the better. There is nothing, let me repeat this...NOTHING wrong with being a stay at home anything. It's the hardest job you'll ever have and I respect it.

What I don't respect is that there are more men out there thinking that women need to support them so that they can stay home and do nothing. I mean nothing. No cooking, no cleaning, no lawn work, no helping out while the woman works. This is not a real man to me.

Now, there is a caviat here - times are hard and there are those without work. Totally acceptable as long as they are willing to help out.

All of this became very clear to me when I was talking to my friend and my daughter's recount about the latest "tool" she's seeing. Most of them barely work, and even if they do I've found that she is still paying for things, like dinners, food for their apartments (ummm, she lives at home...), helping to pay their bills. And this one always gets me - she drives them around. WTH! So not a man of worth in my head.

This is my opinion of course--men should open doors for women (car, house, resturant...), Men should drive (I feel odd when I have to drive and HHB is in the passenger seat), which leads me to another new trend--men should come to the house to pick you up for a date, not the other way around, and men pay for dinners/movies, whatever. Sure if you're partners it comes out of the same account, but it's the principle in my mind.

Woman's rights haven't gotten us better pay, or equality - not that I can see. Sure, I can speak my mind and vote, but if there isn't a strong man treating me like a lady and respecting what I do--no thank you!

I have a great man of worth, so this isn't something I deal with except through friends and daughter, but I see/hear it so often it's getting painful.

Oh how the world changes. Yep, I'm sure glad I have an old fashioned man who believes that woman are still to be charished and taken care of. Am I old fashioned -- you bet! I want a man's man who works hard and takes care of his family and lets me help.

Whatever happened to the man who respected the woman? The cowboy on the white charger? The dominant (Alpha) to the submissive ? (couldn't resist throwing that in...LOL)

Are you seeing the same thing? Or have I lost my mind?



Zina said...

OMG Laurie,
I feel the same way, it's freaky how my thoughts are like yours. I too prefer for my husband to drive, when we go out to eat he asks me what I would like to order then he orders for me when the server comes, I just say how I want my meat cooked. I like to have doors opened for me but I tend to open my own car door. I have been trying to teach my boys how to open doors and they like doing that but now I am teaching my oldest how to guide or walk with a woman by offering his arm or by guiding them with his hand lightly on thier back, I have to remind him to not push at times. Next we need to work on seating a woman and waiting to sit until they do, etc. Someday he'll thank me for these lesons and I've been thinking about signing him up along with the teenage girl for dance lessons, I mean I get dizzzy going around in circles and I think everyone should be able to dance a little bit better than that, at least a box step. I have also told my son and daughters that it is rude to turn someone down if they ask you to dance, unless they are totally smelly or creapy looking. Let's face it it takes courage to ask someone to dance, if you don't want to dance again, no problem, say thank you and move away and I've told my son to escort the girl off the dance floor before saying thank you, don't leave her on the dance floor and walk away. But I agree I like to be treated as I'm cherished and yet a partner in our lives and I try to treat my husband respectfully in turn.

LKap said...

Zina -
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! There are not enought parents that take the time to teach basic respect in their boy or girl children. (and girl with as many as you have - WELL DONE!!!)
Glad I'm not the only one that still wants to be a girl :-)

Zina said...

Yesterday I had my 3 yr old son open the car door for me and the house door, he was so cute and he was really happy to be helping me out.

LKap said...

Zina -
That's AWESOME!!!!

Tara said...

Agreed a man should be a manly when necessary and chivalrous always - my 5 year old son opens doors for me. But i am not on board whole heartedly. I am not a girly girl by any means. I do the yard work and I love it. In exchange DH does the dishes and helps with Laundry. I don't think that being the man is necessarily defined by the tasks or chores that he completes and vice versa for a woman. Sometimes when we go out, I drive. I like to take care of my man - hell I take pride in it - as much as he takes care of me. for me it is a total 50/50. So I guess to sum it up: to me being manly is being chivalrous, respectful, and loving........and knowing that sometimes I need to be in charge :)

LKap said...

Tara -
I would have to agree - there is a 50/50 or a 30/70 or even an 80/20 split in any relationship. But in a good relationship those averages work themselves out.
I think I've seen more men - younger men - that don't have the respect I believe is needed to be that man that is worthy of being called a true "man".
You have a MAN - and you know what you want out of your relationship and I applaud that.

Lori Sanders-Foley said...

I decided that it takes a wise mother or father to raise a good man. Whether it is the door opening knight, or a man who would insist on walking on a certain side of a woman as they stroll just to protect her, or a man who would go to the ballet just because his wife really likes it and doesn't want to go alone. The alpha-male that so many women think they want in our modern day society, quite often didn't get that double dose of chivalry in training. As a result, we are annoyed when he acts like a mysogonist. Thanks to the women (and men) who make sure that some men learn the traits that make them the men we want. Next, we must train them to want the women we are...